I wish you could see my cursor blinking because that’s pretty much how I reacted when she asked me. I just blinked. My first reaction was “absolutely NO WAY!”
I do not hide my iPhone addiction. Many people know about it, I have spoken about it, blogged about it, and prayed about it — and I still struggle with it. While I prepared to fast from media I used all of my Candy Crush lives and special candy powers, scrolled through as much Facebook as I could, and tried one last time to beat my sister’s high score in Bejeweled. And then I was readyish for the fast.
I seriously went from headed toward this trajectory:
And this reality:
To this trajectory:
Ok not really but give me some credit — I put my phone away except for phone calls and limited texts, ya’ll! In my head I was family member of the year!
Here were my findings:
- I have addictive behavior tendencies that stem from a place of perfectionism. I wanted to crush that candy so I could get to the next level and the next — never-mind my starving child and dirty house, there were levels to conquer!
- I have addictive behavior tendencies … period. Having something as handy as an iPhone isn’t necessarily a good thing for people like me.
- I was teaching my kid to have addictive behavior tendencies.
Are you sensing a pattern here? But wait, there’s more.
- I was ruining my marriage because I gave my phone more eye contact than I gave my husband.
- I wasn’t reading my bible because I had candy to crush.
- I wasn’t reading anything really, except the directions that proceeded each new candy crush level.
I realized all of these things in just one week of not messing around on my phone. So guess what I did when the fast was over?
I kept fasting.
My husband and I started talking again. My son no longer had comebacks such as, “why do I have to get off my Xbox if you’re playing games on your phone all the time!?!” <— yes that hurt, like a punch to the stomach. I was also back in the Word of God, learning and growing and studying my Savior.
How am I now, 4 months later?
I ended up deleted approximately 20 apps. It was refreshing and honestly I didn’t miss them. Things are different now thanks to Michael Hyatt’s book, Platform. I have learned how to use Facebook and Twitter in a way that supports my dreams and goals instead of working against them.
I still struggle from time to time and my husband is great about gently reminding me when I am “doing it again” and I don’t even realize it. Habits are so incredibly hard to break.
- Maybe you can play Candy Crush and still be a priceless gem to your family, I couldn’t.
- Maybe you can keep yourself from scrolling endlessly through Facebook and Instagram, I couldn’t.
- Or maybe, just maybe, you’re like me and this candy confession was just what you needed to read.
What do you struggle with in terms of media addictions?