Waiting… we do it all the time:
- We wait for our turn at the doctor’s office
- We wait for the green light at the busy intersection on the way to work
- We wait for our toddlers to calm down from their temper tantrums (or fall asleep)
So why then is it so hard for us to wait for things like these:
- Waiting for Mr. Right to come along
- Waiting for the right job with the right pay and the right location
- Waiting for the medical tests to come back
Ugh — I know. This bible verse is a lot to take in. And some of you are rolling your eyes. I “get that” because I’ve been there. A little over two years ago I was sitting in my car wailing because the doctor who I put all my trust in showed me that he hadn’t heard a word of my outcry in his office. I was crushed. I felt so alone and confused and … well, that no one could possibly understand what I was feeling. I shut myself off from everyone because I couldn’t handle the weight of the defeat.
No, I didn’t seek Him out — I was too wrapped up in my angst to cry out to God.
People said things like this to me:
This is all part of God’s plan.
God is teaching you patience.
God is showing you that doctor wasn’t the right one.
Really? He is teaching me patience by torturing me with pain? His plan includes me not being able to open doors with my own hands? God waited to tell me the doctor wasn’t right for me AFTER I had so many medications in my system that I couldn’t even remember what all I was taking?
That day was my rock bottom. I was worn out. You could’ve told me I had cancer and was going to die in two days and my wailing wouldn’t have sounded any different.
But on that day, I surrendered. All my cards were on the table. I was out of ideas, and I was tired of listening to people and their theories of what God was trying to tell me or teach me.
I realized that people couldn’t fill the hole that was inside of me. I cried out to God. But it was different this time. I needed Him. I finally figured out He was the only thing that would fill the void. It felt like putting the last piece of a puzzle into place — He fit perfectly. I wanted His will because I was exhausted from trying to figure it out on my own. I sought out prayer from people who would actually pray for me – right that second. I blew the dust off my bible and started reading through the Psalms.
Little by little, I could feel myself crawling out of the pit. I surrendered when I realized my own plans were failing me. I sought out wise input from others who had been down this road before me and found a doctor who came highly recommended. The only problem was it took three months to get in to see her.
I had to wait for three months.
In the wait, here is what I was finally starting to grasp – but please note, it did NOT happen all at once and some of these lessons I will probably keep having to relearn over and over again:
- Trusting in the Lord isn’t a “flip of the switch” choice. It takes effort, and time, and a willingness to let go… over and over again.
- When we depend on our own understanding we become pompous and arrogant. We start to think that we “deserve” certain things because of our past or current situations.
- When God shows me which path to take, it doesn’t appear as a flashing sign with an arrow. For me, God’s direction shows up as peace within me. The anxiety about a choice disappears, or sometimes what was once a really big deal just simply — isn’t — anymore.
- When I am impressed with my own wisdom I am putting a lid on God’s abilities. I’m shutting Him out and effectively saying, “WOW – look at me and how much I know! Who needs God when I’m as smart as I am!”
- When you surrender your ways, your know-how, and your “deserving” attitude — THAT is when miracles happen….
In a few days, I will post the second half of this blog post and share what I learned in the wait. In the meantime, I would love to pray for my readers. Please share in the comment section what you’re waiting on — and one emotion that accurately describes how you feel while you’re waiting. Are you worn?