It must be true because you saw it on Facebook; you officially have no real friends. “They” all got together and you weren’t invited. “They” took a picture together at the restaurant and you didn’t even know they were going. “Their” kids all hang out and the parents are having a blast together.
But you weren’t invited.
Therefore you must not really have any friends.
The enemy would love for you to believe that you’re useless, that no one wants to be with you, that there’s something wrong with you, and that you’re not worth loving. But in fact scripture says just the opposite. Scripture says:
- He has plans for you, including hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
- He made you on purpose and you’re a BEAUTIFUL creation. (Psalm 139:13-16)
- He gave His most prized and favorite person as a SACRIFICE for you because He loves you that much! (John 3:16)
- And quite possibly my favorite; we are to focus on our own ethics, morals and actions so that we don’t fall into the comparison trap. Nothing good happens in the comparison trap. (Galatians 6:4-5)
4 Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. 5 For we are each responsible for our own conduct.
So who do you want to believe; The enemy who loves to whisper lies to you? Or your creator who knows the innermost workings of you and gives you grace upon grace as you sometimes soar and sometimes stumble through life?
Here are five simple steps to turn away from the gaping hole of comparison and focus forward:
- Positive affirmations: Find a scripture verse or verses that remind you of who you are in CHRIST. Write it down and put it places you’re most likely to see it when you’re feeling down. (Car, desk at work, home screen on your phone, on your laptop, on your mirror, in your closet).
- Pick five: Make a list of FIVE people with whom you want to grow deep into relationship. Now go back through that list and take out the people who need you for something because they are in an unhealthy place right now. Those are not your deep people right now. The people on your list should be people with whom you love to spend time and you genuinely enjoy their presence. You can and should still be there for the hurting – just remember these aren’t your deep people.
- Make your own plans. If you find you’re so focused on other people’s plans, it means you aren’t making your own. Go make your own.
- Don’t tag people on Facebook. I know. That’s hard. If you’re in the comparison trap already you would love to “show them” who you went out with and how much fun you had. Please listen closely — a) it’s not necessary to tag people in order to make memories b) if you are drawn to tagging people in your posts to make a point, you’re making your own plans for all the wrong reasons.
- You have nothing to prove. So stop trying to prove something.
My last piece of advice is this — research codependency and/or “people pleasing.” There are many churches who have free, anonymous programs to help you break the chains of codependency. Here are two websites you can check out to see what’s close to you:
You are loved.
You are needed.
You have the keys to make a change.